Someone asked me to do something and I declined. I declined because I had in the past did this same thing several times for this person and they proved to me they weren’t good at keeping their word. When they asked me to do the same thing again, I replied “I no longer trust you. I’ve this for you before and you did not keep your word. As time has went on, you haven’t done anything to make me feel comfortable enough to trust you in that area again.” They responded “It’s your fault I’m in this mess because you can help me and you won’t.” My face dropped. I was appalled. I couldn’t believe that I was being blamed for their choices in life because I refused to do what they wanted me to do.”
I told them “I will not accept responsibility for your actions. Until you accept responsibility for your choices and stop blaming others for the choices you’ve made, you will not move forward in life.”
Before you say “You’re a Christian, you’re supposed to forgive. Let me assure you that forgiveness is not an issue. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you should not use wisdom. It doesn’t mean that I have to continue to subject myself to something that has proven not to be in my best interest. Ex: If every time in the past, you’ve stolen from me it would be unwise for me to leave my purse unattended in your presence. It doesn’t mean I haven’t forgiven you or that I don’t love you. It just means I’m wise enough to deal with you based on what you’ve shown me you’re capable of.
Moral of the story is:
If you want to heal, you have to take responsibility for your part in any situation. You don’t take responsibility for what others do to you, but take responsibility for allowing it to control you. We didn’t have control over the families we were born into. Some of the things that happened to us were beyond our control. But we must take responsibility for our own choices if we want to end the vicious cycles in our lives. As long as you continue to shift the blame for your choices, you won’t come out of the situation you’re in. Show me a person who is stuck, continuing to rehearse the pain of their past and I will show you a person who’s not willing to take responsibility for their life. I was that person. The moment I took responsibility for my life and my choices, my life changed! ~Shamieka Dean, the Queen of Restoration~ #amileinmyshoes